Pack Thy Secrets Deep

by David T8tz and His Lovely Friends

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about

There are many ways to describe Pack Thy Secrets Deep but unique, raw, sad and beautiful only scratches the surface. However, there is one word that is without a doubt most true to the character of this record, Pack Thy Secrets Deep is uncompromisingly Real. Few people write and sing so honestly from their heart and soul, few people are willing to so drastically cut themselves open and bleed their history into a melody. Pack Thy Secrets Deep combines biography, emotion, and music into a riveting blend that details the destruction of his family during the beginning of the opioid/heroin epidemic that has swept the nation, and David T8tz's ensuing battle with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and alcoholism as he struggled to rise from the rubble of his beloved family. It is a heartbreaking, beautiful, and ultimately triumphant story of survival.

www.PackThySecretsDeep.com

credits

released April 25, 2017

Vocals: David T8tz, Olivia Saldana, Krystelle Lorraine
Rhythm guitar: David T8tz
Bass: Carla Capolupo, Gabriel Hartman
Piano: Paul Akers
Synthesizer: Paul Akers
Lead guitar: Shay Capolupo
Harmonica: Shay Capolupo
Melodica: Gabriel Hartman
Saxophone: Gabriel Hartman
Trumpet: Alex Alvarez
Vibraphone: David T8tz
Whispers: Alexandra Jensen
Percussion: Shay Capolupo
Organ: Paul Akers
Banjo: David T8tz
Kalimba: David T8tz
Sound FX pedal: Shay Capolupo
(Cello like bowing sounds are Carla Capolupo using her upright bass.)

Album artwork by Monique Aguilar

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about

David T8tz and His Lovely Friends Los Angeles, California

David T8tz has always used music as a way to cope with sadness. From his first heartbreak at 12 years old, he was writing and performing his own songs. He never thought this skill set learned at at such a young age would become so necessary for survival later in life.

(Previously David was the frontman for Winston and the Telescreen.)

Contributing musicians are listed in the track notes.
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Track Name: Lagrimas con Crema
I wake alone, there’s no one home, the world is silent, I don’t want it, once upon a time we were all here
Laughter, coffee, beans con crema, come and take a shower with me, the girls will be fine for a little while
I’ll buy donuts, we’ll go shopping, Goodwill and Salvation Army, we can buy more owls for our home
No more, my wife chose her white pills over me, Mama loves the numb life more than me
Ooooo
You were lines, I was a pen, I’d write our stories till the end, of happiness and sadness I could sing
But you had demons you would treat with, have them over, girl we have kids, demons have no welcome in my home
Oh no, sleepless nights and senseless fights, betrayals in the fading light, you were selfish, you were wicked, you were home
No more, my wife chose her white pills over me, Mama loves the numb life more than me
Ooooo
Track Name: Home
I’d like you to be home to me
Every night I’d come home to you
You’d wake up and I’d be there
I’d make breakfast we could share
In the bath-time there’s room for two
I’ll be soap and you shampoo
I’d like you to be home to me
Every night I’d come home to you
You’d wake up and I’d be there
I’d make breakfast we could share
And then we’d drive real far from here
To where wintertime means snow is here
We’d look at the star filled sky
We’d smile, you and I
We’d smile, you and I
Track Name: Sing Through the Sadness and Love
Lay down your head loves, and worry about not a thing, for I will be here, I’ll be watching you
You can dream if you’d like or you can just close your eyes and let sleepiness slowly fall into you
But don’t be afraid of the night, for darkness it helps us appreciate light, and in the morning you’ll wake, feel that sun on your face
Feel and sing, sing it out sing, cause you make my heart sing, it sings for you sings
Cause I’m filled with love, love, love, sadness and love
And you’re filled with light, light, light, darkness and light
So give me all your kisses, kisses, oh my little Misses I need all your kisses, I always will
Walk with your head held high, let nobody put you down, you are lovely, you’re brave and you shine so bright
And though trouble will find you love, just hold your ground, you are stronger than what they can throw at you
But don’t be afraid to feel sad, for tears help us fight through the times that are bad, yes even tears have their place, feel them run down your face
Feel and sing, sing it out sing, cause you make my heart sing, it sings for you sings
Cause we're filled with love, love, love, sadness and love
And we’re filled with light, light, light, darkness and light
So have all my kisses and hugs, have my voice and all of my love, you always will
Track Name: Dance the Pain Away
Lets dance, dance, dance, dance the pain away

Drink, touch, kiss me, love it’s okay

Cause when the morning comes we can walk away

But tonight we can move, we can touch, we can dance, dance, dance

Cause I have gained my freedom but I’ve lost my home

I am bleeding, I am drinking, I am sleeping alone

And now I’m falling towards a future that’s completely unknown

I’ll end up face down in the gutters if I drink here alone

So lets dance, dance, dance, dance the pain away

Drink, touch, kiss me, love it’s okay

Cause when the morning comes we can walk away

But tonight we can move, we can touch, we can dance, dance, dance

Because tonight I’m filled with fire, don’t you feel the same?

I have a tendency to crush on every girl within range

But you cannot have my heart for it’s now made of stone

But wouldn’t you rather dance with me than be out dancing alone?

Lets dance, dance, dance, dance the pain away

Drink, touch, kiss me, love it’s okay

Cause when the morning comes we can walk away

But tonight we can move, we can touch, we can dance, dance, dance

Oh girl I know you have a boyfriend but you know he’s all wrong

He’s controlling, he’s an asshole, and you don’t get along

There’s you and I and there’s this bottle and it’s playing our song

So spend the night out here with me cause this is where we belong

Lets dance, dance, dance, dance the pain away

Drink, touch, kiss me, love it’s okay

Cause when the morning comes we can walk away

But tonight we can move, we can touch, we can dance, dance, dance
Track Name: D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Me!
And all I wanted was my pillow

But all I found was this empty space in our bed

Isn’t this the place where you should lay your head?

But you’re gone, I guess I’ll sleep alone

And all I wanted was some breakfast

I’ll fry the eggs, you make the coffee

But in your absence well the kitchen seems so cold

Fuck it all, another day of drive thru

Never mind what I said, I don’t miss you, no I’m glad that you’re gone!

D I V O R C E me, leave me, leave, move it along!

Get the fuck out of here

I’ll make my own goddamn coffee from now on

I’ll grab your pillow and stuff it under mine to better rest my own head on

I’ll spread out all over your side of the bed and sleep fucking better with you gone

You’re gone gone gone gone gone

I’m sad you’re gone gone gone gone gone

I’m glad you’re gone gone gone gone gone

Fuck you! You’re gone gone gone gone gone

Cause all I wanted was my pillow

But all I found was this empty space in our bed

Isn’t this the place where you should lay your head?

But you’re gone, I guess I’ll sleep alone

OR JUST FIND SOMEONE BETTER
Track Name: No Heart to Break
I don’t wanna break your heart

But I have no heart to break

And now we’ve come too far to just walk away

No, somebody’s got to pay

But I’ve got no heart to break

Or I would gladly pay your way

Right from the start you see

I was cheating at this game

Cause I’ve got no heart, no stakes

Or I’d gladly spare you pain

But I’ve got no heart to break to pay your way

You surprised me in the evening when you reached to hold my hand

Kept surprising me till morning, girl I am only a man

But I’ve got no heart my dear

Or I would text you every day

I’ve got no heart to feel

Or I’d be begging you to stay

I’ve got no heart, it’s true

And I’m sorry it’s this way

But I’ve got no heart to break

No I’ve got no heart to take

No I’ve got no heart to break

So just walk away
Track Name: Adam and Eve
Wake up, wake up, the world ended yesterday

But we’re still here

I guess we managed to escape the flooding and the fires

The liars mad desires to shape the world in their own images

Uh oh, uh oh

Well I’ve been thinking that there’s a reason

That you and I survived the destruction

So I’ll be Adam and you’ll be Eve

And love and laughter, we can start it all again

Uh oh, Uh oh

You look to me like someone I can love

Cause tragedy is etched into your eyes

And I see my reflection, a soul without direction

So take my hand we can start it all again

Uh oh, Uh oh

Well I’ve been thinking that there’s a reason

That you and I survived the destruction

So I’ll be Adam and you’ll be Eve

And love and laughter, we can start it all again

Like Ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha
Track Name: Silly Little Love Song
Well I could love you if I tried to
I could tear these walls right down to let you in and bring you closer
But I won’t love, no I won’t dear
I’ve got too many things to do
And I’ve got too much respect for you
To turn you into silly little songs
Unless of course you’d like to sing along
Cause we could sing girl
Write our own songs
Hit the road to find some new towns
Wake up early, books and tea
I’ll read to you if you’ll dance for me
But you’ve got responsibilities
Places to be and promises to keep
I know you’re more than just a coda to a song
But maybe you might like to write your own?
Cause I could play this here guitar
And you could dance and sing along
Well maybe theres still time to build
A future painted fire and gold
Cause we’ve got so many things to do
And we’re not as young as we once were
But this is just my silly little song
Unless of course you’d like to sing along
Track Name: Icarus Heart
Don’t fly towards the sun, you’ve been there before, and you’ll only burn

Slow down fast heart

High on wine flavored lips, your tangled desires get caught in the fire

Slow down fast heart

Slow down fast heart, hold back, love smart

Slow down fast heart, she’ll melt your wings apart

Fall, you’re falling straight down, your crown hits the ground, it bursts into sound

Slow down fast heart

Quick, gather up the shards, place them under guard, let nobody near

Slow down fast heart

Slow down fast heart, hold back, love smart

Slow down fast heart, she’ll melt your wings apart

There’s tears, there’s tears, they’re in your eyes

But I don’t like to see you cry

There’s laughter, smiles, down below

So let them out dear, let tears go

For you are much too filled with light

To waste your life with tears inside

There’s laughter, smiles, down below

So let them out dear, let fear go

Slow down fast heart, Slow down fast heart
Track Name: Fall fall fall
And you, you’re too good to be true

And it turns out that you’re not true

You’re just another silly dream I had

And I should know better than to dream at all

Cause every time I jump I fall, fall, fall

I fell for you

But you’re not true
Track Name: Little White Reasons
Here she comes, she can barely walk again

Take my arm, I’ll guide you home again

What’s that you say? You messed up once more?

But you “love me so”, that’s good to know I guess

Every time I stay the night

Your body strips away my pride

Held defenseless in your spell

I grasp at the lies it tells

You confess, you think you’re worthless

I protest, to me you’re everything

If only you could set aside those pills

We could build the home we’ve wanted

Every time I stay the night

Your body strips away my pride

Held defenseless in your spell

I grasp at the lies it tells

I’ve been broken so long

Forgotten how to be strong

You’ve got little white reasons to move on

Little white reasons to stay gone

I’ve been broken so long

Forgotten how to be strong

You’ve got little white reasons to move on

Little white reasons to stay gone

She says “Please don’t go. Don’t you remember when

you were my best friend? I can’t lose that again.

Stay awhile. I’ll give you all my warmth.

No one else will love you like I do.”

Every time I stay the night

Your body strips away my pride

Held defenseless in your spell

I grasp at the lies it tells

But I’ve got little white reasons to move on

So this will be our final song

I’ve learned how to just say no

It’s time to take my heart and go

It’s time to take my heart and go
Track Name: Dance on Broken Legs
I’ve been wincing from the pain

Of dancing upon these broken legs

My whiskey and my lovers drained away

And I can’t remember their names

Oooo

I’ve been sleeping with my gun

At night I like to hold it in my hand

Its cold caress upon my neck

But I’ve got singing to do yet

Oooo

I’ve been writing my own songs

Detailing the things that I’ve done wrong

The melody hides in my throat

There are no notes for the words we wrote

Oooo

I’ve been dreaming of a friend

Someone who doesn’t run from whats within

She would guide me to the shore

Lead me to the edge where I could let things go
Track Name: Pack Thy Secrets Deep
He sells all his daylight, he rents out his mind

In a three walled asylum that owns all his time

He had such plans once, dreams of freedom

A pen and a notebook and stories to feed them

He’s made a nightlife inside of a bottle

He prowls his phone apps in search of a song

Companions come easy but they never feed him

He’s starving to death in the midst of them all

Are we going to, Are we going to

Are we going to die this way?

Are we going to, are we going to

Are we going to die…Mama this way?

Cause I’d rather die then see you in such pain

We’re trapped in the flames

Pack Thy Secrets Deep where no one can see them

Pack Thy Secrets Deep and hold them close

She’s back on his doorstep, she’s tear stained and windswept

She’s only come home cause there’s nowhere left to go

Her black eyes match the shade of her track marks

The ones hidden between her fingers and toes

She says “I swear that I’ll stay clean, our daughters they need me

I just need a place I can stay for a while.”

One week later she’s crouched in the corner

She’s screaming, crying, bleeding and the needle’s on the floor

Are you going to, are you going to

Are you going to die this way?

Are you going to, are you going to

Are you going to die…Mama this way?

Cause I’d rather die then see you in such pain

We’re trapped in the flames

But I’ll pack my secrets deep where no once can see them

I’ll pack my secrets deep and hold them close

Pack Thy Secrets Deep where no one can see them

Pack Thy Secrets Deep and hold them close

So I’ll drink, I’ll get fucked, I’ll press everyones luck

Oh on nothing but hatred I’ll feed

There’s an ocean of rage and it’s stuck in my veins

And I can’t seem to fight my way free

Oh I’ve held it together for the sake of our daughters

But my strength is now failing me

So won’t you please hand me a drink?

Won’t you please hand me a drink?

Won’t you please hand me my drink...
Track Name: Bolide
I always loved the Fall

But now it fills me up with memories

I heard a voicemail from a ghost

And it disinterred our story

So I severed all my limbs

A dissociative disorder

Some people drink so they’ll forget

But I just wanted to remember how to feel

I dressed up for the part

With bloodstains on my tank top

Hell I even played your soundtrack

Mr. Young, The Damage Done

Jenny please don’t let me disappear. Please…

Jenny please don’t let me disappear. Please...

Cause I’m going to cross this road

And I don’t think that I’ll make it

But I know I can’t go back now

Cause I know that I can’t fake it anymore

Maybe if I drive real fast

I can keep up with the spinning

One-thousand-seventy miles per hour

I’ll never have to see the morning/mourning

Cause if you’re the setting sun

Then I’ll be a fucking meteor

Let me show you how it’s done

Burn out so that it’s memorable!

Remember!

Jenny please don’t let me disappear. Please…

Jenny please don’t let me disappear. Please…
Track Name: Karen Ferryman
Love is just like alcohol
Drink deep enough you’re bound to fall
It spins you round, it warms you up
It’s poison once you’ve had too much
I’m drowning in yearning.
Death is where the lonesome go
A place to rest their broken bones
Karen won’t you take me there
Griefs made life unsharable
I’ve given in to nihilism
She say's "No, your soul is still your own
So let death go and go back home."
Karen how could you baptize me
In waters of invulnerability?
See these chains wrapped round my soul?
They’re meant to drag me down below
I came here to drown, please don't pull me out
My mirror has a loathsome face
A monster's staring back at me
There's darkness that’s clung on to me
But death might break it’s tendrils free
I’m impotent and desperate
She say's "No, your soul is still your own
So let death go and go back home.”
Track Name: In the Dark We See the Light
Let’s pretend and for the sake of argument
Say that I could breathe and love and feel again
I’ve survived by giving up on all these things
I’ve survived by placing all my hopes in chains
I’ve survived by running round with lonely girls
Finding shelter in the arms of sorrowful strangers
In the morning find your things and run away
We’ve got no plans for tomorrow just the memories we’ve made
And though it’s not at all the life that I would choose
You’ve got to make the best of what is left once you lose
Everything that you had made before
The storm ripped off your ceiling, now you’re clinging to the floor
Cause what is left to lose but everything?
Could you risk it all again just to feel something?
I’ll be out on the corner you can meet me if you’d like
Honey we can drink beneath these streetlights.
Let’s talk about what’s wrong
And how our hearts have been stomped on
But in this we’re not alone
You’re not alone
I remember well the tears shed on the road
Alone in traffic when suddenly that song comes on
You used to dance to this with someone that you loved
You’d face each other and you’d loudly sing along
So now you’re stalled, there’s devastation on your face
The other drivers, when they see you, well away they race
Surrounded by a hundred thousand people but alone
But your cubicle is waiting, you can’t turn and just head home
But though these days are long and nights can feel so cold
Each day that passes, you grow a tiny bit more bold
You make new friends, you start to dance your nights away
You start to think that maybe you could be okay
Cause what is left to lose but everything?
Could you risk it all again just to feel something?
I’ll be out on your doorstep, you can meet me if you’d like
Honey we can dance beneath this moonlight
Let’s play our favorite songs on our phones and dance along
Cause in this we’re not alone
We’re not alone
In the morning lets go out, let’s drive away
Head to the city where we’ll have ourselves a holiday
We’ll walk through LACMA, hit the thrifts in Echo Park
And then to Hollywood Forever for a movie in the dark
I’ll pack a picnic basket, you can choose the wine
Lay out a blanket and we’ll leave old memories behind
Cause life is wonderful it’s happening all around
And I refuse to waste another moment feeling down
Cause what is left to lose but everything?
Still I’d risk it all again just to feel something
I’ll lay right here beside you, you can hold me if you’d like
Honey we’re still here
Honey we’re still here
Beneath the starlight
Here in the dark we see the light